I'm a 25 year old girl, working in television in Los Angeles and trying my hardest not to get pulled under. This is my log of my journey towards success in health and happiness.
CW: 165
GW1: 160
GW2: 155
GW3: 150
GW4: 145
GW5: 140
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Day 181
I’m in the process of getting my head screwed back on straight, and I have a feeling it’s going to be much harder than I thought it would.
Not sure what my meals for the week are going to be yet, but I’m eliminating added sugar and any sort of white/overprocessed flour. My workout plan is going to be fluid this week, but I’m going to attempt to go every night I can. Tonight will be a cardio or yoga night. Also, I got a pass for a free spinning class that I have to use by the end of the month, which I’m eager to try out. We’ll see how that goes.
Today, I’m just taking things as they come. I did some serious weights yesterday and am sore EVERYWHERE. But I’m focusing primarily on food intake this week and cleaning up. Happy Monday, right?
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Day 177
I stepped on the scale this morning. After four weeks of seeing 149.5, I finally saw 148. Progress. It’s happening. Yes, I’m making progress incredibly slowly, but it’s happening none the less.
I’m nervous for tomorrow, though. My medication is being altered, and I’m afraid they’re going to put me on something that will make me gain. I know it’s important that I take the right medication, but I also feel like I’ve worked so hard these past six months, and I don’t want to see my work diminished by a pill. Are any of you on meds that make you gain and how to you deal with it?
Trying to focus on tonight, though. Since I can’t really do anything about something that hasn’t happened yet. Depending on what time I get out of work, I will be going to the gym to do weight lifting, going to the gym to do cardio, or trying out a yoga class, then showering and going out to drinks with a friend (which I’m contemplating canceling, depending on the time). Soooo, essentially, i have no idea what my night is going to entail. Sounds good, right?
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Day 175
Last night the gym just didn’t happen for me. I went home, made ravioli, and hopped into bed. THEN my roommate came home and demanded I go out with him (we’d both had pretty shitty days). And I had two light beers and ran into Michelle Trachtenberg, haha. All in all, not a bad evening.
I need to figure out a way to have four small meals a day as opposed to two larger ones (which is what I’ve been doing). In my office it’s incredibly hard to bring in my own food (our refrigerator space is incredibly limited) and lunch is paid for three times a week (so naturally I jump on that). But there are only so many times you can eat a salad with chicken, and I’ve noticed that if I don’t have an afternoon snack as well, I get really light headed at the gym and spend the rest of the evening with a massive headache (no matter how well hydrated I am).
Balance is just not happening for me right now. Definitely struggling. Would love any sort of advice/motivation from those in the workplace.
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Day 174
Getting back on track this weekend was harder than I imagined. I made it to the gym Thurs, Fri, and Sunday, but my eating left something to be desired. I’m trying to make this week a better one, but I have a few social obligations to attend this week after work. We’ll see how it goes.
Just ordered a salad w/ chicken, pine nuts, and currants for lunch. It sounds delicious, and I think I may just make my own dressing with olive oil and balsamic as opposed to the one they give me there. I don’t know what I’m going to do about dinner yet, but I did go grocery shopping yesterday afternoon so I couldn’t have an excuse to order out again.
I’ve also fallen completely off of weight training, which I know is hurting my progress. I say I’m going to do it every time and then I don’t. I think it’s because the sweating and adrenaline rush I get from cardio feels so much better than the strain and pain weight training gets me. However, I know I just need to convince myself to get back into it.
NO MORE EXCUSES.
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Day 171
So, I went to the gym last night. I went, I saw, I conquered. It felt fucking AMAZING. Thank you to everyone for your motivational words to get me off my ass and back into the gym. It absolutely kicked my little butt (I’m working on growing it, k?), but I was somehow able to maintain my previous pace on the bike (12.5 miles, 4.4k ft of hills in 50 minutes). And I didn’t pass out or anything, haha.
Tonight, I’m going to lift lift lift. Friday nights are usually fairly empty at my gym (since it’s smack dab in the middle of Boys Town and no one wants to spend their time anywhere else but boozing it up and getting their dance on), so I shouldn’t have a hard time using the weights that I want. I’m thinking squats and deadlifts with some extra focus on my thighs and glutes. Working the biggest muscle groups, right? That’s how it’s done. Okay, feeling peppy and in a better mindset after my night of cardio. Let’s hope this lasts until work ends tonight!
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First Table Read of the Season
Nothing like being surrounded by a room full of successful actors/actresses to make me feel like utter shit about my body. This is such a problem with my job. I knew that I was going to have to deal with this when I started my career in the entertainment industry, but it had never been so prevalent to me before. Lunch was served at the table, but I was too self-conscious to eat more than a nectarine. Now I don’t know when I’ll be able to eat again, since I can’t leave the office to grab food. And my plan was to go to the gym after work.
I know that my journey to success involves eating healthfully and exercising to make sure I’m taking care of my body, but it gets very frustrating to watch these actresses. I know it’s their job to look good on camera (and that is most assuredly not my job), but I can’t help but compare sometimes. Could my body EVER look like theirs? Even at its healthiest? I honestly don’t know.
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Happy. Home and showered. Waiting for water to boil for dinner. I do feel much better after sweating it out.
Figured out the key to successful biking is finding a good book to read whilst doing so. Perfect distraction. I went 12.5 miles and climbed 4.5k feet at the highest resistance. Not too shabby.
Starving now though. Dinner awaits!
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Day 162
So, therapy was….good. I really liked my new therapist, and I felt like she understood me without asking me questions and making me feel stupid. She was incredibly perceptive and saw through the majority of my bullshit that my previous therapists were content to overlook. Yeah, she called me out within the first thirty minutes. Which was refreshing. She told me she specializes in entertainment industry clients, which I didn’t even know when I called her, but I’m sorry I didn’t find her sooner. It was really nice to not have to explain things to her or have her ask stupid questions (like my previous therapists) because she’s already really plugged in. The only problem is…she’s REALLY expensive. I have to call my insurance today to make sure they’ll cover her sessions, otherwise, this good thing is going to be over before I can really get started.
Different kind of therapy tonight, though. Cardio. To the max. I have a feeling I’m going to be at work a little late, since my boss is pitching to the studio in a 5 pm call, but hopefully it’ll go well and I’ll be flying out of here by 6. Fingers crossed. I could really use a good sweat tonight.
Will probably be pumping motivational pics throughout the day to remind myself I can’t pussy out of the gym tonight. Apologies if I take over your dashboard :-/
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Day 160
Hectic day at work. Can’t wait to power through the day and head to the gym later. Challenge for myself this week - only one rest day from the gym (tomorrow night), no booze, and FINALLY go to a yoga class.
Those may sound like trivial goals to some, but I purposely refuse to schedule networking drinks this week simply because of how they made me feel last week. Also, I need to be 110% for my midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises on Thursday. CANNOT WAIT.
Small goals FTW.
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Day 159
Sorry I haven’t been checking in for the past few days. This week has been kind of a clusterfuck of terrible, and I haven’t wanted to spread negativity on this page. Or at least, I try really hard not to, and I think it would have just been angry and aggressive and not good at all.
Anyway, I think things are balancing out and coming back up. I went to the gym today for the first time since last Saturday, and it was good. I almost didn’t go, but my roommate pushed me, saying that he’d go if I went, too. So, I went and did 50 minutes on the bike. I didn’t do as well as I’d been doing before I took a short break from the gym, but I didn’t do as badly as I thought I would either. I biked a distance of 12.5 miles and climbed 3.9k feet (~.75 miles). After I came home I showered and am now doing laundry and cleaning my room, which also feels good.
I have a really bad habit of shutting down and shutting people out when things get hard, and so being productive is a good way for me to ease back into my routine after I go through these periods. I also made the very important (and necessary) decision to go back to therapy. I start with my new doctor on Tuesday. I’m nervous, but I know that there are things I need to overcome before I can have the happy, successful life I see for myself.
Hope everyone else’s weekend is going swimmingly. xoxo.
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In dire need of a motivation boost…
Beware the picspam that is surely about to occur.
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Day 153
Oh, Monday morning…. how I loathe you. There’s nothing quite like the alarm going off the morning after vacation ends.
Today I’m focusing on my intake being as clean as possible and protein heavy, then weights tonight (LEGS and CORE). I have a friend in town this week, but I’ve been very specific that I can only hang out AFTER I’ve gone to the gym after work. I’m probably pissing her off, but I’m feeling so motivated that I can’t bring myself to feel bad about it.
I’m also going to attempt running again. Yesterday was the first time I’d run in about two weeks, and I did pretty damn well considering. I got down to a 12 minute mile, which for me is pretty amazing. Spreading the love and motivation this morning. How are all of YOU?
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Day 151
Happy Saturday. I am still in bed, watching Breaking Bad, and I feel fantastic about it.
Last night I watched Savages and it triggered me in a really bad way, so I’m taking it fairly easy today. Going to make myself some breakfast/lunch and watch another episode before going to the gym.
I was contemplating another day of cardio, but I think I want to do legs and back. Need to put all my anxiety somewhere. Heavy lifting feels like it’ll do the trick. Hopefully.
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Day 150
Damn. My alarm didn’t go off this morning and I just woke up. Thank goodness I’m on vacay or that could have been reallllly bad.
It’s still a little bad. I have to make myself some breakfast and then head straight to the gym before my friend comes over for a writing date at 3. Plus, I need to have a catch up phone convo with another friend. Problems. How to fit it all in???
Oh well. It’ll happen. Cereal with fruit (lazy breakfast) then cardio. I can do it! TGIF :)
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Day 149
Well, I did it. I spent most of yesterday in a bikini and didn’t freak out. I did, however, get thoroughly burned on my stomach and chest. This is what happens when skin sees the light of day for the first time. I forgot. Oops!
Anyway, today I’m off to the gyno (super exciting) and then to the gym for some legs! I love having time off from work, haha.
For now, breakfast (but really lunch) of waffles, Greek yogurt, honey and strawberries. Nom :)
