I'm a 25 year old girl, working in television in Los Angeles and trying my hardest not to get pulled under. This is my log of my journey towards success in health and happiness.

CW: 165
GW1: 160
GW2: 155
GW3: 150
GW4: 145
GW5: 140

  1.  

    Day 77

    This weekend has been a bit of a mess for me.

    I had a personal training session on Friday night that almost killed me. It was a legs day, and I got into the squat rack for the very first time! I was incredibly proud of myself, even though I was only squatting the bar with no additional weights. I also did deadlifts between sets, and after the first three sets I honestly thought I was going to die. My trainer let me take a lap around the gym as a “rest” before doing our last set. Then we moved onto the leg curl machine and interspersed it with wall sits (a minute at a time). Seriously, I thought my legs were going to murder me by the time we were through.

    Then, yesterday, I woke up at 1:30 PM, had some peanut butter and toast and then went to the gym and did an hour on the bike. I should have eaten more after the gym, but I went and did errands instead, which was definitely a mistake. I forgot I was meeting up with an old friend for drinks/dinner, and she decided she wanted to go out earlier to a cute Mexican place I like. Which was fine, except that meant I hadn’t had anything but my peanut butter and toast to eat all day until I met her at 5:30. Normally that wouldn’t be so bad, but we were going to Mexican and I have quite the weakness for margaritas. The restaurant has a “low-cal” magarita called a Z-Rita, but after three large ones, I’m not sure they’re so low cal anymore. Plus, what’s low cal for a margarita…like, 200 cals? I had a healthy entree, a chicken breast taco salad with no dressing, but I was so drunk that when I came home, I had a giant glass of wine and cookies with my roommate without even thinking about it. I know I said I wasn’t going to feel guilty about splurging, but this was a far cry from a splurge. I’d even call it a binge. Which really kills me. I know I probably needed those cookies to absorb the copious amounts of booze I consumed, but it still felt bad.

    Of course, I know today is a new day. I woke up at 12:30 (with a pretty gnarly hang over) and made myself some scrambled egg whites with a wedge of laughing cow lite cheese and a piece of toast and a very large cup of tea with some almond milk. 278 calories and 26 grams of protein. Which I’ll definitely need, since I have another training session in about 40 minutes. I’m not even that sore, which is odd since I really thought I’d have some bad second day sore legs today. I’m also excited to come back from training and try a green smoothie for the first time. Hopefully I’ll make it through the hour alive. What an essay, right? I guess I just needed to talk it out and sort through my feelings about it. Now that I’ve typed it out, it’s bad, but it’s not crazy bad. I had a ton of fun with my friend, and I can’t feel any guilt over that whatsoever.