I'm a 25 year old girl, working in television in Los Angeles and trying my hardest not to get pulled under. This is my log of my journey towards success in health and happiness.

CW: 165
GW1: 160
GW2: 155
GW3: 150
GW4: 145
GW5: 140

  1.  

    Just went on an hour long run around Culver City with my friend’s dog. Nailed it. Exhausted, sweaty. I forgot how much I adore this feeling. Hot shower, then off on a girl date <3

  2.  

    Day 3 Gluten Free and going strong! I’ve also managed to limit my dairy down to just a splash of non-fat milk in my coffee. 

    VERY EXCITING.

    It’s weird, but it gives me a sense of fulfillment to know that I’ve made it three days gluten free. It gives my eating a new sense of purpose, and it’s reinvigorated my commitment to health. It’s way more difficult than I thought it was going to be, but I’m able to adjust.

    Does anyone have any favorite gluten free recipes? I’m stock piling them for my dinners.

  3.  

    SORRY!

    I’ve been super MIA this past week. I was completely reorganizing my life and adjusting to my new medication. 

    ALSO, I was told YEARS belatedly (thanks, mom) that I’m allergic to gluten and lactose intolerant. So, I’m reconfiguring my life to get rid of gluten and then next week I’ll start taking out dairy. It’s going to be a struggle, but I’m only one day in and already feeling 10x better.

    ALSO ALSO, I’m going to be spending less time on this account and more on my personal/entertainment tumblr, charincharge, so if you’d like to follow me over there, you can see more of me in my real life, haha. As opposed to just what I eat every day and what my workouts are going to be.

    xoxo.

  4.  

    Day 181

    I’m in the process of getting my head screwed back on straight, and I have a feeling it’s going to be much harder than I thought it would.

    Not sure what my meals for the week are going to be yet, but I’m eliminating added sugar and any sort of white/overprocessed flour. My workout plan is going to be fluid this week, but I’m going to attempt to go every night I can. Tonight will be a cardio or yoga night. Also, I got a pass for a free spinning class that I have to use by the end of the month, which I’m eager to try out. We’ll see how that goes.

    Today, I’m just taking things as they come. I did some serious weights yesterday and am sore EVERYWHERE. But I’m focusing primarily on food intake this week and cleaning up. Happy Monday, right? 

  5.  

    Day 177

    I stepped on the scale this morning. After four weeks of seeing 149.5, I finally saw 148. Progress. It’s happening. Yes, I’m making progress incredibly slowly, but it’s happening none the less.

    I’m nervous for tomorrow, though. My medication is being altered, and I’m afraid they’re going to put me on something that will make me gain. I know it’s important that I take the right medication, but I also feel like I’ve worked so hard these past six months, and I don’t want to see my work diminished by a pill. Are any of you on meds that make you gain and how to you deal with it?

    Trying to focus on tonight, though. Since I can’t really do anything about something that hasn’t happened yet. Depending on what time I get out of work, I will be going to the gym to do weight lifting, going to the gym to do cardio, or trying out a yoga class, then showering and going out to drinks with a friend (which I’m contemplating canceling, depending on the time). Soooo, essentially, i have no idea what my night is going to entail. Sounds good, right?

  6.  

    Day 175

    Last night the gym just didn’t happen for me. I went home, made ravioli, and hopped into bed. THEN my roommate came home and demanded I go out with him (we’d both had pretty shitty days). And I had two light beers and ran into Michelle Trachtenberg, haha. All in all, not a bad evening. 

    I need to figure out a way to have four small meals a day as opposed to two larger ones (which is what I’ve been doing). In my office it’s incredibly hard to bring in my own food (our refrigerator space is incredibly limited) and lunch is paid for three times a week (so naturally I jump on that). But there are only so many times you can eat a salad with chicken, and I’ve noticed that if I don’t have an afternoon snack as well, I get really light headed at the gym and spend the rest of the evening with a massive headache (no matter how well hydrated I am).

    Balance is just not happening for me right now. Definitely struggling. Would love any sort of advice/motivation from those in the workplace.

  7.  

    Day 174

    Getting back on track this weekend was harder than I imagined. I made it to the gym Thurs, Fri, and Sunday, but my eating left something to be desired. I’m trying to make this week a better one, but I have a few social obligations to attend this week after work. We’ll see how it goes.

    Just ordered a salad w/ chicken, pine nuts, and currants for lunch. It sounds delicious, and I think I may just make my own dressing with olive oil and balsamic as opposed to the one they give me there. I don’t know what I’m going to do about dinner yet, but I did go grocery shopping yesterday afternoon so I couldn’t have an excuse to order out again.

    I’ve also fallen completely off of weight training, which I know is hurting my progress. I say I’m going to do it every time and then I don’t. I think it’s because the sweating and adrenaline rush I get from cardio feels so much better than the strain and pain weight training gets me. However, I know I just need to convince myself to get back into it.

    NO MORE EXCUSES.

  8.  

    Day 171

    So, I went to the gym last night. I went, I saw, I conquered. It felt fucking AMAZING. Thank you to everyone for your motivational words to get me off my ass and back into the gym. It absolutely kicked my little butt (I’m working on growing it, k?), but I was somehow able to maintain my previous pace on the bike (12.5 miles, 4.4k ft of hills in 50 minutes). And I didn’t pass out or anything, haha.

    Tonight, I’m going to lift lift lift. Friday nights are usually fairly empty at my gym (since it’s smack dab in the middle of Boys Town and no one wants to spend their time anywhere else but boozing it up and getting their dance on), so I shouldn’t have a hard time using the weights that I want. I’m thinking squats and deadlifts with some extra focus on my thighs and glutes. Working the biggest muscle groups, right? That’s how it’s done. Okay, feeling peppy and in a better mindset after my night of cardio. Let’s hope this lasts until work ends tonight!

  9.  

    First Table Read of the Season

    Nothing like being surrounded by a room full of successful actors/actresses to make me feel like utter shit about my body. This is such a problem with my job. I knew that I was going to have to deal with this when I started my career in the entertainment industry, but it had never been so prevalent to me before. Lunch was served at the table, but I was too self-conscious to eat more than a nectarine. Now I don’t know when I’ll be able to eat again, since I can’t leave the office to grab food. And my plan was to go to the gym after work.

    I know that my journey to success involves eating healthfully and exercising to make sure I’m taking care of my body, but it gets very frustrating to watch these actresses. I know it’s their job to look good on camera (and that is most assuredly not my job), but I can’t help but compare sometimes. Could my body EVER look like theirs? Even at its healthiest? I honestly don’t know.

  10.  

    Day 166

    I can’t seem to motivate myself this weekend. I don’t know what it is. Maybe PMS or just residual exhaustion from my midnight showing during the work week? But I haven’t been putting forth any effort towards my eating or exercising. It’s the afternoon and I’m still in bed. Going to get up and have leftover Chinese. Then, revising the second act of my spec pilot. Then, the gym.

    I have a feeling it’ll be empty enough to do weight training without waiting if I don’t go until later in the afternoon. Hopefully I’ll have gained some motivation to push myself by then too.

  11.  

    Just Found Out

    My coworker is totally obsessed with his weight. He’s 30, super tall, not out of shape and eats pretty healthfully (he has a gluten allergy, so it’s almost second nature). So I didn’t take him for someone who would focus on the scale.

    But he was telling me this morning how he lost three pounds from yesterday to today, and how fucking awesome he must be to lose that much in one night. I tried to be like - yeah, but that could have been water weight or whatever you ate yesterday passing through - and he was ADAMANT that because he weighed himself at the same time every morning that he HAD to have lost three pounds.

    Has anyone else had an experience like this with a straight guy???

  12.  

    Day 163

    CALAMITY. I hate my insurance company. I called to check what my coverage would be for therapy, and honestly? It’s total shit. So much so that I most likely can’t afford to continue seeing my new therapist unless she agrees to some sort of sliding scale (which I have this feeling that she won’t). Lovely. I’m still going to call her and ask, but I think I also need to start looking for an alternate option. Not sure what that’s going to be.

    For now, I’m content to think about the peanut butter and banana sandwich I will have for lunch and sip on my water.

    Happy Thursday, y’all.

  13.  

    Happy. Home and showered. Waiting for water to boil for dinner. I do feel much better after sweating it out.

    Figured out the key to successful biking is finding a good book to read whilst doing so. Perfect distraction. I went 12.5 miles and climbed 4.5k feet at the highest resistance. Not too shabby.

    Starving now though. Dinner awaits!

  14.  

    Day 162

    So, therapy was….good. I really liked my new therapist, and I felt like she understood me without asking me questions and making me feel stupid. She was incredibly perceptive and saw through the majority of my bullshit that my previous therapists were content to overlook. Yeah, she called me out within the first thirty minutes. Which was refreshing. She told me she specializes in entertainment industry clients, which I didn’t even know when I called her, but I’m sorry I didn’t find her sooner. It was really nice to not have to explain things to her or have her ask stupid questions (like my previous therapists) because she’s already really plugged in. The only problem is…she’s REALLY expensive. I have to call my insurance today to make sure they’ll cover her sessions, otherwise, this good thing is going to be over before I can really get started.

    Different kind of therapy tonight, though. Cardio. To the max. I have a feeling I’m going to be at work a little late, since my boss is pitching to the studio in a 5 pm call, but hopefully it’ll go well and I’ll be flying out of here by 6. Fingers crossed. I could really use a good sweat tonight.

    Will probably be pumping motivational pics throughout the day to remind myself I can’t pussy out of the gym tonight. Apologies if I take over your dashboard :-/

  15.  

    Day 161

    Nervous for therapy tonight. Not sure how I feel about going over my entire history with someone new. Always super scary, but I know it’s very necessary. Mental health is just as important as physical health, right?